all my stumbling phrases

It's been awhile! Oops. Blah blah blah, OCD sucks, I'm working on it, and I'm not ready to talk about it.*

But in the meantime! I've been:

( voraciously ripping my way through Campaign 1 of Critical Role )

( trying out various craft projects )

( working my way through Rebels )

( finishing Learning Curve )

( starting my next project )

Anyways. I also wanted to add. I think I sort of spent some time hesitating to come back into fandom just because -- well, it can be so exhausting, reading and commenting and reccing and the like. I even feel guilty saying that, because of course I know that commenting and participating in fandom isn't as exhausting as actually creating content, but it is a very different kind of energy, a more extroverted kind of energy, and that is exhausting for me. Worth it, rewarding, enjoyable -- but utterly exhausting. I want to be able to participate in fandom, to give back to content creators, but I'm also working very hard on myself right now (that OCD I mentioned earlier), and there's just so very much in life to do.

So I guess the point is, just like my exercises in therapy, I'm dipping my feet into the pool very slowly.


*What does OCD have to do with my participation in fandom? I'm incredibly anxious and fixated on my glasses, which makes reading difficult sometimes. That's all I'm going to say because I'm worried if I reread this later, it will be triggering for me.  EDIT: Oh yeah, and also, the perpetual anxiety that when I do participate in any kind of social situation, my inevitable awkwardness will cause me to engage in the "wrong way" and anger / hurt / make people feel uncomfortable / embarrass myself. Ah the joys of fretting about everything I say and do.

Has it really been a week already since my last goals post? Oy, January has been way too busy for me and I do not like it. The wedding is over, I'm supposed to be able to relax now! I've had just so much real life stuff going on (don't get me started on Thank You Cards). Part of the busy has been hanging out with friends, but that's still kind of draining for me. Last week had a birthday game night, Saturday I went to a friend's engagement party, and last night I went to the Panic! at the Disco concert.

I made a personal life to-do list the other day and that thing is very overwhelming. The problem is that I've got a lot of doctor things to do, and that is no fun at all. (I have anxiety about going to the doctor.) In fact today I have an eye doctor appointment, which I am wayyy overdo for, but it's not going to be fun at all. Ick. (Dear self: remember future Liz will appreciate being able to see well again.)

ANYWAYS! Time for a goals update.


COMPLETED ITEMS

1. Main Goal from last week: stop collecting assignments, start finishing them!
Yes! No new items have been added to this list, and look at all the completed items here! 

Sundays are supposed to be the status update days, but I was travelling, and I keep checking my goals tag for my To-Do list only to realize it hasn't been officially updated, so I wanted to do a quick status update to my last goals post.

WRITING

1. Learning Curve | due mid January 2019
I had some writer's block yesterday, but I talked my way through it with my patient hubby. Currently at 7,481 words (which means I actually wrote about 800 words yesterday--more than I thought!).

2. At the Confluence of History and Hope: Visual Aids (tumblr post) | due ... soon
I did make a post on tumblr for this (with a panoramic picture of the Bosphorus), but I wanted to add more visual aids for the food and places. I've worked on this, I was trying to make a photoset, but I keep waffling on how I want to present this. My original thought was 3 posts, with 4 pics each and a corresponding excerpt, but I didn't like how that was going, so I started experimenting with a collage maker to make a larger photoset, and, well, the problem is that I'm totally overthinking things! Shocker. Anyways, I'm open to advice, in the mean time, I'm gonna continue overthinking.

3. How to Lose a Spy in 10 Days | due... well, it'd be nice to post chapter 2 before the anniversary of chapter 1..... yikes!
I simultaneously dread picking this up again (because I do recall how much I was struggling with chapter 2 when I effectively abandoned it to work on Learning Curve) and look forward to finishing it. I've had this idea in my head since the rom-com challenge was announced in, like, June 2017? But the ideas have always been vague and more of scenes than actual plot (not to mention it's heavily mission-oriented and that! that is a challenge for me!)

4. You've Got Mail In-Canon Universe AU
I think about this constantly, I can't wait to start working on it! :X

-

FANDOM

1. Reread and comment on all the fic in the rebelcaptain food travel AU | due Sunday, December 21 January 6
Weellll, clearly I missed THAT deadline. Blame the holidays. Anyways, I just finished 6 out of 9. 3 to go!

2. Post Fan Work Recommendations | due Sunday, January 6
Oh yes, I've been working on this and I'm excited. (That probably makes it sound more exciting than it is.) Anyways, I've drafted two posts (the first post and the template) and started a running list of titles, and I am super excited to say that this WILL start on Sunday and (hopefully) run every two weeks. 

3. Respond to comments | due January 6 bc I am a cruel task master to myself
I realized the other day that I have quite a few comments in my inbox, many of which are ... probably for that first chapter of How to Lose a Spy in 10 Days. super yikes. I usually try to respond when I post the next chapter... it's a strategy, what can i say? i mean, it's also partly 'well if i have free time i should be writing the next chapter,' but yeah. i also think part of me just doesn't like seeing "inbox (0)" -- anyways that certainly failed here. i just need to buckle down and respond.

4. Finish draft of fandom engagement post | due end of January 2019
I've been collected and building on some random thoughts on this but haven't drafted anything lengthy yet. It is all in my head though, I just have to spend the time writing it.

Alright, no more time procrastinating! Time to write!

I really want to get in the habit of doing my "goals" post on Sunday, but here we are with Tuesday winding down and I'm just getting to it now.

I'm going to go through with updates from what I wrote about last week:

Platform Plans

Still solidifying my plans for platform usage, but I think what I said last week still stands: main hub here for official presence (any kind of serious post, fic posting, etc.), with more casual presences on tumblr and Pillowfort, with a goal for 2019 overall to be to wean myself off tumblr. This latter goal is kind of dependent on Pillowfort's development. There are things tumblr does better, but if so many people are leaving (and innocent sfw blogs getting ... idk, whatever the right word is for being flagged/blocked as nfsw) then I really don't want to be there. Plus, tumblr's kind of addictive in a very non-productive way (mindless scrolling). At least when I'm on Dreamwidth or Pillowfort, I actually feel like I've gotten something positive out of talking to people on here.

Anyways. Goal 1b: enough fixating on this.

Fic Writing

1. The next installment of the rebelcaptain food travel AU has been posted!!

I clocked in roughly 8,000 words over the weekend. WHEW!! I needed an Ajay from The American President ("Well, if anyone needs me, I’ll be in the Roosevelt room, giving Lewis oxygen.”) Many, many thanks to the wonderful allatariel  for all her support & betaing!!! Indispensable!

For the record... here it is!

At the Confluence of History and Hope
Part of the rebelcaptain food travel AU, "tell me what you eat and I will tell you who you are"
Set in Istanbul and Cappadocia

Jyn confronts ancient memories she thought she’d properly buried, learns a little more about Cassian’s history, and is forced outside her comfort zone. Plus some mutual pining.

Side goals: I do want to post some "visual aids" on tumblr. I collected and edited some of my pics from Turkey, plus found some pics of food to share as well (because apparently we failed spectacularly at taking pictures of the food. Like. What. What were were thinking? We were eating in food in Turkey. Why are there no pics!) So that's a goal for this week/rest of this month. This involves collecting like 4ish pics from each venue they visited and combine venue pics with food and posting the relevant excerpt with it. I think. Who knows plans could change once I get down to doing it.

2. Learning Curve, my May 4th Exchange Fic, chapter 4 (of 4) | due mid January 2019
I believe I've started a draft of the last chapter. I need to sit down and look over what I have written and my outline and get back into the flow of this.

3. How to Lose a Spy in 10 Days
Same as above re: need to sit down and get back in the flow of this. I need lots of help on the plot because mission fic are a real challenge for me and this fic is supposed to jump from mission to mission so, yay for new challenges. But also yikes.

4. You've Got Mail In-Canon Universe AU
I'm going ahead and listing this as number four because I can't stop thinking about it, I'm so excited for this!!! Yes it's set in a galaxy far far away and Lyra Lives because that's my jam (save the moms)!! I partly consider this a chance to explore some plot options I wish I had incorporated into Whatever I Do (sorta like a ... take 2! kinda thing, just partially though).

Fandom Engagement

1. Reread and comment on all the fic in the rebelcaptain food travel AU. | due Sunday, December 21
Yeah, this goal holds. Have not started. Need to get to it.

2. Construct plan for regular Friday Favorites | Due January 2019
This is going to be a fan works rec post for what content I've enjoyed over the past week. I think I'm going to do it on Fridays. Need to think it out. I want to do a digest format with a quick summary and quick thoughts on what I enjoyed about it. This will start the first week in January, that's the plan.

3. Begin early drafts of fandom engagement post. | due end of January 2019
I've started typing up the thoughts I had on scattered post its over the last year and collecting some other writings. Goal is to get this up in January and I'm going to post it here.

4. OH YEAH, and of course, be more active here!
I saw I missed a few things due to being busy with the food travel fic last week, but I hope to be more engaged this week. I will be traveling to visit family over the weekend but I hoooope to be able to sneak away to the computer now and then. (Please, please let me have time bc face-to-face social interaction is draining.)

WELL, it's 11 p.m. here and I need to catch up on some sleep soo, goodnight.